Lets play a game

A new week begins.

I have a few options here. I can conjure deep heartfelt sonnets inspired by ancient muses of lore and myth. Or i can play a word association game. This being my blog and since i hold the only vote that counts, im doing the latter.

The rules are simple, im going to a news streaming site, randomly select 5 (count em five) new stories, and find the deep right-wing conspiracy that connects them all. For we all know that there is no such thing as fate, and all events in this world are guided by the shadowy hands of 5 guys in a basement in southern Baltimore.

Alrighty, lets see what skull and bones has been up to...
Becasue of its lyrical quality, first up is "Sigourney Weaver flashes her Beaver"
"After 30 Arsons, town residents want answers" thats a real eye catcher
I'll go with "Sex drive linked to prostrate cancer" cause it scares the holy hell outta me
"Prince Harry dumped on facebook by Chelsy Davy" cause i was hurting for characters
and finally "Kentucky has highest smoking death rate" because everyone hates Kentucky

There is a man named fred. Fred is a rebel, a maverick, he plays by nobodys rules but his own. The only problem with fred is the amount of sex he has. Its obscene! And by obscene i mean profane in a way that makes mothers clutch the ears of their children half a world away. He is truly following those ancient instincts bestowed by the y chromosone, inserting into those woman deemed worthy the great and mighty seed of Fred. Fred died of prostrate cancer well before his time, yet one of the many illigetimate children he sired was Mark Zuckerburg who went on to found the online titan known as Facebook. This website would one day facillitate the break up between prince Harry and Chelsy Davy. Harry, now single, indicated on his Facebook profile that he thought woman who smoked were hot, and due to a server error, this tidbit only appeared on computers in Kentucky. I'm not exactly sure how thats possible, but please suspend disbelief.

Almost overnight, millions of woman all accross Kentucky started chainsmoking like those little cancer sticks were the dicks of God himself. Unfortunately, the town of Frogballs had a delay in their ashtray shipment. Millions of cigarettes were being tossed willy-nilly on the ground, in bushes, on grandmothers, leading to a spree of fires that were marketed as arsons in order to draw the hip young pyro tourist industry, and cover up for that one boy scout merrit badge attempt that went horribly horribly wrong.....

Sigourny Weaver, who knew she could never compete with a whole state full of southern belles, and unwilling to compromise her lungs, let Harry know she was interested by giving him a high profile gander at the goodies that are all his for the taking.


And in the shadows, 5 men clink glasses of brandy and smile hardy conspiratorial grins